Louder!

My first semester in law school I had a civil procedure professor that struck fear in the hearts of his students. Like a typical law professor, he called on students at random. Students had no way of knowing when their day would come to be subjected to 45 minutes of intense scrutiny and inquisition. Dread was what I felt walking into his class everyday. But unlike my other 1L professors, he liked to yell. And his yells were not rants against the pot-smoking judges in California (these rants & opinions were reserved by my Torts professor), his yells were directed at you. This is where the fear came.

Some of his typical yells included:

LOUDER! when he felt you weren't speaking loud enough. If he had to yell this more than twice during your session, he would follow it up with "LOUDER! If I have to tell you that one more time, I'm going to lower your grade by a 1/3!" Not only was this humiliating in front of 50 of your peers, it was seen as detrimental for 1Ls determined to beat out their classmates for the 2-3 As to be distributed that semester.

Answer MY question! when you answered the question you hoped he would ask because you knew the answer to that question, not the question he actually asked.

I don't care what you think! when you posed your answer with "I think...." He didn't care what we thought. He wanted us to take a stand, right or wrong, and defend it.

What's your authority?! when you did take a stand but didn't back up your stance with a legal source.

One girl seated in the row in front of me got called on one day and never came back.

Somehow I made it through. I even decided to take the same professor the following year for my Bus Org class. I knew I would have to be on top of my game, but at least his lectures would be entertaining. I noticed, however, that he didn't yell quite so much that year. He didn't seem quite so intimidating. Perhaps he felt that as 2Ls we had survived his refiner's fire and had proven ourselves somehow.

As a law school grad, I can now look back on these days without sheer anxiety swelling inside my chest (well, almost). I realize now that my professor, while perhaps wanting to instill fear in us, also wanted to instill in us confidence. Confidence in how we spoke and in what we said. Confidence in what we stood for and in front of whom we stood.

I feel in the past ten years, I've been given a lot of opportunities to test my confidence and strength. I never dreamed I would ever go to law school. I never dreamed I would ever be an attorney. I never dreamed I would ever be an attorney that speaks to judges on a daily basis. I also never dreamed I would still be a single woman. Or that I would still have no family of my own. It's interesting to see what becomes of you when things don't work out quite how you plan it. But sometimes it works out for the better. The better because you become someone you never thought you could be.

In this season of Thanksgiving, I would like to give thanks to a wise Father in Heaven who gives me what I need, not necessarily what I want. Who shows me what I can become if only I will do my part. Who offers me challenges I fear I am to weak to conquer. And Who, when I struggle, offers the strength and comfort to keep me moving forward.

Texting Cowboy

I realize it's been a few weeks since I posted about my travels. I got busy and then had the misfortune of meeting Texting Cowboy.

Perhaps my first indication that Texting Cowboy and I were bound for disaster was when I expressly refused to follow the advice given by Unknown Man in Lobby (see here). In other words, I went looking for love. I did. I admit it. I even went looking in my own hometown, a rather novel idea for me actually. But look I did.

Texting Cowboy knew how to text, true, but he also knew how to woo. And woo he did. My favorite quote of this unfortunate whirlwind of a relationship (if you can call it that) came on the 3rd date (which also happened to be the 3rd day of knowing him- I know, I'm an idiot).

"Texting Cowboy, don't you think this is moving a little fast? I mean, you don't even know my last name yet."

"I don't need to know your last name. It's gonna be mine one day." [Spoken in a thick Texas accent.]

Here's where I would like to advise young ladies that though the above comment sounds hopelessly romantic, especially when spoken by a man wearing cowboy boots, if the above happens to you, Run!

A man should not be talking about marriage and your future "hooligans" on the 3rd day of knowing you, however exciting it may feel.  But run I did not. Instead, I saw him again the next day.

On Day Number 4, he proposed marriage. Well, he didn't mean it. I think? But maybe he did. I told him he would have to do better than that and I don't think he knew how. The only thing he had been taught to do was woo.

Despite the four heated days we shared together (heated in the most Mormon sense of the word - I do live the law of chastity), I never heard from him again. His voice anyway.

Like I said, Texting Cowboy knows how to text and he kept that up for awhile. But then I guess his thumbs got tired and I refused to be discarded when he felt appropriate. So as the Southern Gentleman he claims to be he found his way out when I made the mistake of texting the words "Oh hi." Now, there are several different ways that "oh hi" can be interpreted. My sister and I say "oh hi" to each other often when we get a happy but unexpected call. But apparently, "oh hi" was on his list of things you should never text a man. (Maybe things would have turned out differently if I had only put an exclamation point!) So with that, his character, or lack thereof, was revealed. He pulled out as the coward and womanizer he showed himself to be.

Unknown Man in Lobby proved to be right again! I never knew such wisdom could be found while waiting idly in a Houston hearing office. I must listen more carefully next time I find myself there.

I will now redouble my efforts to Not Look for Love, despite the enticing idea I was given by a friend yesterday to advertise: Attorney with Shotgun seeks Wilderness Guide. Let's face it, hunting season is drawing to a close and I've still never been! But no...I must be strong...Not..Looking....