Speaking Out

Rough Start

Growing up a shy introvert, speaking out has always been hard for me. In high school, our English classes would have book discussions where our grade was determined by our participatory comments. Each student was usually required to make at least two comments. I loathed these discussions. I was perfectly willing to take a zero rather than make a silly comment just to get a check mark. I distinctly remember one day in Junior AP English class when we had one of these dreaded book discussions. I was the only one left in the class who had not received two check marks. The teacher knew this and indirectly called me out on it. The classmate sitting next to me was BJ Symons. (He would go on to play QB for Texas Tech with a brief stint at the Houston Texans.) He was trying to help me out and told me to "Just say something!" I refused.

While I have come a long way since high school, speaking out is still not natural for me. I feel it is a challenge that continues to confront me with increasing difficulty, but a challenge I feel I am supposed to continue to overcome. In law school I had to stare down this fear of speaking out every day in classes where professors are not always forgiving and do not always ask easy questions. It is the same today. I face judges who like to argue and call you out on your shortcomings. Again, while I have come a long way, I feel more challenges await that will continue to test my ability and courage to speak out.



Religious Freedom

When I was in Kansas City a few weeks ago for a legal conference, there was a panel discussion on religious freedom. In the past several years we have seen an erosion of religious liberties and expression. The panel discussion referenced the Hobby Lobby case (a suit against the federal government mandate to provide contraceptives, including abortifacient drugs, in employee insurance plans - arguments to be heard by the US Supreme Court later this month) and the NM Photography case (a suit against a photographer who declined to photograph a commitment ceremony between a same-sex couple as it violated her religious beliefs - NM courts said she must pay a fine for refusing). 

During the course of the discussion, one panelist focused on the need to speak out. He said those that are chipping away at religious freedom and expression are not afraid to speak. They do so loudly and employ all manner of social media. They call supporters of religious freedom bigots and use intimidation. After all this, he says, what do we hear from the other side? Nothing but crickets chirping. No one wants to be called a bigot but we must speak up. He referenced a case in his home state of Kansas. He said that state legislators look to social media to see what is being discussed and consider it when making their decisions. He said if we are not talking, our cause will not be heard.

I tried my hand at speaking out via Facebook after the 2012 presidential election. As a single, educated woman I was tired of being lumped together in the same category as other similarly situated women that I did not agree with and who did not represent me. I debated on stating my beliefs so publicly. I'm not sure what kind of a reaction I was expecting or fearing. And despite the fact that my statement was posted on the internet as opposed to given in a public speech, I still worried. Needlessly, however, as nothing happened but a show of support from friends.*

The panelist at the conference suggested we first become informed about religious freedom. We befriend those of other faiths who have similar concerns. Then we start talking. On social media, on blogs, and in our communities.

Throughout the panel discussion the quote from Edmund Burke kept echoing in my head.

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men [and women] to do nothing."

Malala's Example

I am currently reading the book I am Malala: The Girl Who Stood Up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban by Malala Yousafzai. At age 11, Malala was speaking out for girl's education at the risk of her own life. In addition, she was blogging anonymously through the BBC about going to school in Taliban-controlled Pakistan. She was meeting with ambassadors demanding they help in the fight for girl's education. She was interviewed by journalists on a regular basis. Because she was willing to speak out against the Taliban, unlike many in her valley, she was hunted down and shot in the head. At age 16, the Taliban have been unable to silence her and she continues to speak out. She has been nominated twice for the Nobel Peace Prize.

On Friday, speaking to a group of youth in London, she said, "I could either not speak and die, or speak and then die. I chose the second one." **

As I read her story, there is no doubt in my mind that one young woman can change the world.



Keep Talking

I heard once that in order for those who are soft spoken to know they are speaking at the correct volume, they need to feel like they are shouting. Perhaps the same applies to speaking out. For introverts to know they are saying enough, they need to feel like they have said too much.

 

Wherever you may be, for whatever cause you may be fighting, join the conversation and "just say something!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

For more on religious freedom:

- Like FB Group Support Religious Freedom

-Visit Becket Fund & American Religious Freedom

-For those in California, visit Pacific Justice Institute 

 

 

 

* My FB comment:

I am a single, educated woman with an advanced degree. There's been lots of talk about my demographic in the past few weeks and I just wanted to be clear on a few things.

I believe in God. I believe in life. I believe that marriage is a divine institution between one man and one woman. I believe in chastity before marriage and fidelity after. And even though I may be a practicing attorney, I can think of no job I want more than to be a stay-at-home mom.

If these “social issues” in which I believe mark me with the additional labels of ignorant, backwards, stuck in the 1950s, etc., then so be it. In this ever-changing world in which we live, I still believe there are truths and constants that remain, however unpopular they may be.

November 9, 2012 

Mr. Hotel Clerk

 

A few weeks ago I was checking out of my hotel in Nacogdoches. The man behind the counter was cute. He had a great smile and a Texas accent. He even spoke Spanish. We had a good, albeit quick, conversation and I did my best to bat my eyes and show my dimples.

I didn't think much of this encounter as I walked out the hotel door except for the fact that he was really cute. As I backed out of my parking space on the side parking lot and before I drove away, instincts told me to look left. I did. There was Mr. Hotel Clerk staring out the window at me. This was the nudge I needed to start my mind spinning.

Why had I been in such a hurry? Why did I not talk to him longer? How could I make this work? What excuse could I find to get me back in the hotel after my hearing? After consulting my schedule and realizing I was being ridiculous, I decided to hold off a few weeks until I would be back in town at the same hotel.

I returned to Nac last week and arrived at the hotel mid-afternoon. As I parked, I reviewed my game plan. (This story helps to illustrate just how infrequent I run into cute, single men - key word single.) As I walk into the hotel I see three people at the counter including him. He looks up and flashes his big, endearing smile. Yep, he's cute. I was still a little unsure as to how this would work with two other people involved and I resigned myself to the idea that it probably wouldn't.

Another male hotel clerk began checking me in. Darn. Despite this I try to make conversation with Mr. HC. The maid stops in to say something to him in Spanish and he responds. I try to make some lame comment about this. Last visit he said he had graduated with a Spanish major and I had remarked that at one point I had known Spanish as well.

I'm all checked in and I ask the clerk helping me if there are any local restaurants he recommends. A fair and sincere question - I really did not want to eat fast food yet again. He tells me I look like an Auntie Pastas kind of girl and begins giving me directions. This is when Mr. HC chimes in.

HC: Oh I'm going there tonight!

Other clerk: Ok, so did you follow those directions?

Me: I think so. If I forget, I'll just come down and ask again. Thanks.

I start walking away not really sure what to do at this point. HC helps me out.

HC: Hey, if you really decide to go...let me know...

Me: Well, I'm going...

HC: [jokingly] Ha, okay, how 'bout I'll drive and you pay?

Me: Okay.

He looks at me like, are you serious?

Me: [shrugging my shoulders] I need the company.

HC: [looking a little flabbergasted] Uh, ok what time?  Do you want to meet me here at 7:30?

Me: Sounds good.

I walk away. Up the elevator and down the hall I think, did that really just happen?  I giggle to myself and immediately call my sisters. They seem a little worried that I will be getting in a car with a  complete stranger. Understandably good cause for concern, but for some reason I'm not. What I am concerned about is my pounding head. I figure my sniffles will ward off any unwanted advances.

Because I can no longer ignore the fact that my cold has taken a turn for the worse, I find a local doctor and get a prescription for antibiotics for what has now become a sinus infection. As I wait for my prescription to be filled at the Walmart pharmacy, I peruse the toy aisle. I come across the Magic 8 Ball and ask it if the night will turn out well - Outlook Good. I send the good news to my sisters.

When I return to the hotel, Mr. HC is no longer there so I ask the other clerk what my soon-to-be date's name is and if he's a good guy. He tells me his name, assures me that he is and that he'll have me laughing in no time. He also informs me that HC said he would be there at 7:00. This reassures me that 1. our conversation actually did take place and 2. that HC was not only going to be punctual, he was going to be early. Impressive.

At 7:30 I head down to the lobby. I'm on the second floor and there is a second floor balcony overlooking the lobby. Anyone sitting at the front desk could easily hear the elevator open. As I exit, I hear guitar music. Sure enough, Mr. HC is sitting behind the front desk strumming on his guitar. No big deal. This is when I also see he is wearing cowboy boots. Oh no, I think. I have a serious, well-documented weakness for cowboys.

Mr. HC and I finally and officially introduce ourselves and I make sure to get his last name as well in case there's any funny business. Mr. HC is a complete gentleman and opens the car door for me. Later in the night he let's it slip that he got his car cleaned before picking me up. Again, impressive.

Auntie Pastas is an Italian restaurant housed in an old railroad building. I'm told the building rattles when a train goes by. As this was a small town in East Texas, I wasn't expecting much but found myself pleasantly surprised. The food was amazing and not just for Nac standards. HC lets me order first. I get the Mediterranean mahi mahi and HC orders the seafood fettuccine. Both dishes come with a little Texas flare that includes crawfish.

The other hotel clerk was right. Mr. HC knows how to make you laugh. He's quite the talker and has plenty of stories to share. HC was raised Church of Christ and still attends church on Sundays. He cycles and loves to travel. He also just graduated from college in December. (What is it with me and younger men?) He tries to do the math as well by asking about law school and how long I've been practicing. It's clear I'm older than him, but I try to narrow the gap by neglecting to mention the years I spent teaching. Doh. But did I mention he has a great smile?

I somehow make it through dinner without the use of a Kleenex even though my constant smile is not helping my sinus infection. When the waitress asks if we want dessert I decline. HC asks if I'm suuurre? I am, but that doesn't stop us from talking.

Me: So do you do this often?

HC: Take out guests from the hotel?  Nope, this is a first.

Me: Ok, because I never do this.

When the waitress comes with the bill, I reach for my wallet. HC assures me that he had been joking earlier and that he's got it covered. We continue to talk until we notice it's closing time and the restaurant is starting to shut down. Closing time comes early in small towns.

He drives me back to the hotel as we listen to the original song of a cover I like and have never heard. He parks too close to a pole and realizes I'll have difficulty getting out as a result so he repositions the car to avoid it.  The song ends and then...

he wraps his strong arms around me for a romantic embrace and a passionate kiss goodnight....

no

he tells me what a wonderful evening he's had, how he's looking forward to my next visit, and in the meantime can he get my phone number to keep in touch...

no

he says he has the morning shift tomorrow and he'll see me then (along with some flower, treat, or guitar serenade no doubt)

no, instead

I open my car door and he awkwardly opens his.  He decides against whatever he was planning, stays in his seat and says,

HC: I'll see you soon.

Me: What? Like tomorrow?

HC: No, I'm not working tomorrow.

Me: Oh ok. Well, thanks for dinner.

And that was that. Besides the hotel clerk smirking at me as I walk in, that is the end of this little tale. No note left for me at the front desk the next morning. No illegal stalking of hotel guest information to get my number and call me. No words passed on by other hotel clerks.

Sorry to disappoint with such an anti-climatic ending.  But in a few short weeks, I'll be back. In the same town at the same hotel with perhaps the same hotel clerks. Maybe I'll have more to tell then. Maybe not. Either way it was a fun night - sinus infection and all - and sure beat sitting in a hotel room all alone.



So what's your take...how young is too young to date?