Cowgirl Fail

I spent close to 12 hours alone in the car the past two days listening to a novel about a girl falling in love with a cowboy as I drove along what used to be the El Camino Real and passed hundreds of farms and ranches. Needless to say, I've spent the past 48 hours dreaming of cowboys (the non-texting kind), ranches, and horses, wondering if I'll ever get my chance to become a real cowgirl.

This summer, while visiting the mountain west, I had the chance to up my non-existent cowgirl game and failed miserably. But I did learn a key lesson about horses and the patience of a mountain man.

I was going to spend the last afternoon of my trip with Mountain Man. I was looking forward to it because A. I wanted to get to know him better and B. we were going horseback riding! And not the horseback riding where you have a guide and you have to stay along a designated path and obey all the rules. We were going horseback riding on our own, choosing our own path on our own horses. I couldn't wait!

But that afternoon I was feeling a little dopey... (this will be my excuse to explain my carelessness later on). The week had been so jam-packed with fun and festivity that I hadn't had much sleep. So the night before our ride I had taken 2 Tylenol PM. Bad move on my part as I literally felt stoned the next morning. (Of course, I don't know how it really feels to be stoned, but I'm guessing it's somewhat similar). I, therefore, didn't have much of an appetite. When Mountain Man picked me up around 2:00 p.m. all I had eaten so far was a piece of chocolate wedding cake.

Mountain Man showed up in boots and a Texas Longhorn baseball cap and was driving his beat-up pick-up truck. He looked more Texan than I did.

We drove an hour up the mountains before we got to our destination. Because this wasn't an organized ride, we were borrowing friends' horses, it was up to us to ready the horses before riding. Mountain Man taught me how to brush the horses and put on the saddle. Best day ever already.

As we saddled up and I got accustomed to the bouncing (how did the movies make horseback riding look so smooth - this was anything but!), Mountain Man began identifying the surrounding rocks and naming the nearby trees. We even grabbed some wild berries off a bush to eat on the way. I was in heaven!

Aside from my horse being overly hungry and wanting to eat anything he could get his teeth on, the ride went smoothly and I learned all about Mountain Man's life growing up in rural America.

As our ride was nearing the end, one of the reins slipped out of my hand. I yell for Mountain Man's help because I can't quite reach it. He turns around to help when I realize I'm being silly and can probably get it myself. I lean forward, just a little more now, almost got it, and wham! The horse, not liking where I was going, jerked his head up slamming his head right into my sunglasses with more force than I would have expected. Ow that hurt! Mountain Man grabs the fallen rein and looks at me worried. I'm okay, I smile. He accepts this and turns his horse around as I silently scream and make a face - man that hurt. (Cowgirl Fail #1?)

We bring the horses near the barn, remove their saddles, brush out their hair, and give them water to drink. We drink water from the hose as well. I feel hot and dusty and am loving the rustic experience and smell of livestock in the air.

We then lead our horses into the corral where the other horses are held. Mountain Man brings his in and then tells me to bring in mine. Ok...I'm a little timid passing the other horses because they are clamoring by the gate and they are big! (People get paralyzed by horses!) I'm more concerned about my own physical welfare than anything else at that point. I safely reach Mountain Man's side and he removes the bridle. What a fun day.

I head to the corral gate. "Uh, is that supposed to happen?" I ask Mountain Man, pointing to the 4 horses outside the corral gate. "Shut the gate!" he yells. I'll take that as a no. I had been so worried about not being trampled by the other horses it never crossed my mind I should probably shut the gate behind me. Duh!!

As we close in on the horses to lead them back into the corral, they take off running into the alfalfa fields. Uh. Oh. For what seemed like an hour (but was probably only 20 minutes or so) Mountain Man and I run around the alfalfa fields trying unsuccessfully to round them up. They could care less and are determined to stay out of reach and enjoy the new leafy green feed they've stumbled upon. This is when I realize how handy actually being ON a horse must be when trying to wrangle animals. But we were on foot.

Mountain Man says he's going to herd them in my direction and I'm supposed to stand still and direct them towards the corral or something. Don't worry, he tells me, they're more scared of you than you are of them. Yeah right! As they run toward me I yelp and step out of the way - I still don't want to get trampled! So I'm no help whatsoever running around in my Sperry top-siders in an alfalfa field worried about being trampled to death by four horses. Not to mention I'm dehydrated and about to faint any second because by now its 6:00 p.m. and all I've had to eat all day is a piece of chocolate cake!

Bless Mountain Man's heart (as we say in Texas). He was nothing but patient.

Luckily, the neighbor girl across the street comes over and is able to take control and lead in the horses one by one. (Thank goodness or we would have been out there all night!) At one point, she asks me to run to the barn and get some horse rope or some such thing. I go to the barn, stare at all the ropes and bridles and saddles and tools and think, she wants me to get what? I had no clue, so I grab a selection of random items hoping one of them was what she wanted. Never has it been more apparent that I am a city girl!

I guess it was naïve for me to assume that I could come anywhere close to being a cowgirl just by going on a horseback ride with a mountain man. But I did learn an important cowgirl lesson - always shut the corral gate!