My first semester in law school I had a civil procedure professor that struck fear in the hearts of his students. Like a typical law professor, he called on students at random. Students had no way of knowing when their day would come to be subjected to 45 minutes of intense scrutiny and inquisition. Dread was what I felt walking into his class everyday. But unlike my other 1L professors, he liked to yell. And his yells were not rants against the pot-smoking judges in California (these rants & opinions were reserved by my Torts professor), his yells were directed at you. This is where the fear came.
Some of his typical yells included:
LOUDER! when he felt you weren't speaking loud enough. If he had to yell this more than twice during your session, he would follow it up with "LOUDER! If I have to tell you that one more time, I'm going to lower your grade by a 1/3!" Not only was this humiliating in front of 50 of your peers, it was seen as detrimental for 1Ls determined to beat out their classmates for the 2-3 As to be distributed that semester.
Answer MY question! when you answered the question you hoped he would ask because you knew the answer to that question, not the question he actually asked.
I don't care what you think! when you posed your answer with "I think...." He didn't care what we thought. He wanted us to take a stand, right or wrong, and defend it.
What's your authority?! when you did take a stand but didn't back up your stance with a legal source.
One girl seated in the row in front of me got called on one day and never came back.
Somehow I made it through. I even decided to take the same professor the following year for my Bus Org class. I knew I would have to be on top of my game, but at least his lectures would be entertaining. I noticed, however, that he didn't yell quite so much that year. He didn't seem quite so intimidating. Perhaps he felt that as 2Ls we had survived his refiner's fire and had proven ourselves somehow.
As a law school grad, I can now look back on these days without sheer anxiety swelling inside my chest (well, almost). I realize now that my professor, while perhaps wanting to instill fear in us, also wanted to instill in us confidence. Confidence in how we spoke and in what we said. Confidence in what we stood for and in front of whom we stood.
I feel in the past ten years, I've been given a lot of opportunities to test my confidence and strength. I never dreamed I would ever go to law school. I never dreamed I would ever be an attorney. I never dreamed I would ever be an attorney that speaks to judges on a daily basis. I also never dreamed I would still be a single woman. Or that I would still have no family of my own. It's interesting to see what becomes of you when things don't work out quite how you plan it. But sometimes it works out for the better. The better because you become someone you never thought you could be.
In this season of Thanksgiving, I would like to give thanks to a wise Father in Heaven who gives me what I need, not necessarily what I want. Who shows me what I can become if only I will do my part. Who offers me challenges I fear I am to weak to conquer. And Who, when I struggle, offers the strength and comfort to keep me moving forward.
5 comments:
Loved this! It brought tears to my eyes. Amen, sister.
Thank you Sara!
From a Facebook discussion regarding this post:
Reader:
This sounds kind of like a debate class, but certainly more intense. I don't think that I was challenged enough to take a stance and verbally defend it in college despite graduating in Communications. I did have to defend my stance if I wrote an opinion for the newspaper. Do you think taking a class where logical fallacies and debate are studied should be required of all students?
OTR:
Thank you for the comments! The class I described is a typical class in any law school where the socratic method is used. This was not a debate class and I don't think debate necessarily should be required of all students, but I do believe that the socratic method should be employed more where students are required to think for themselves and question ideas and what is right or wrong. These classes teach not only content but they teach you how to think. If I had gone to law school before I taught public school my teaching style would have changed considerably. Too much of "teaching" is just passive lecturing.
Reader:
I took teaching classes and actually finished the teaching certification just so when I finally got to the point where I could teach college classes part-time, I would know how to teach without relying on just lectures. I had more than one professor that used that teaching method almost solely in class. It was often difficult to pay attention, which is probably why I would have supported what your professor did in class. While I understand the anxiety that it produces for every student, it also made them more likely to be engaged in some manner. Once you had your day in the spotlight, would he pick on a student again in the future?
OTR:
Because our class was so big and he spent so much time with each of us, he only had time in the semester to call on each of us once (if I remember correctly). But other professors used different methods. Some would just go down the row, so you had an idea of when your day would come. Some would write your name on a card and pull cards at random everyday. My contracts professor used that method and one week I was called on everyday! It was exhausting. But at the end of the semester he rewarded the student who was called on most with a bottle of wine. The random calling of students made sure you were prepared everyday. At least it worked for me.
Your success in doing hard things is inspiring!
Thanks Alan! I've had great examples in my life to show me the way. :)
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